“Did I miss out on all the fun?”
That’s the question I used to ask myself when I thought about the years I spent changing diapers and staying up all night with a baby, instead of staying out all night with friends partying and having “fun”.
Can I admit I’ve never been drunk?
Is that crazy?
Yeah, probably a little.
People used to tell me, “You don’t know what you’re missing out on!”
“Nah, I’m good…really… I gotta stay home.”
At 19, I was engaged. But I think he only asked me because of the mounting pressure from adults that were super concerned my child was born out of wedlock.
I felt the pressure too.
Why do people think getting married is going to fix having a baby out of wedlock? That’s ridiculous, being married does not fix the “problem.”
It never does.
That engagement lasted maybe a couple of months before it ended, along with my relationship.
It kinda sucks for the kid when you’re 19 and don’t know what the hell you’re doing but at the same time, you’re trying your best.
It was just the two of us, the kid and I, for quite some time.
I was working, he was in daycare, and then I was in school some evenings. It became normal to drive 45 minutes from daycare to my parents to drop my son off, then 30 minutes to school and then 30 minutes back to pick him up and then 1 hour to our apartment.
At a certain point I felt like I was completely effin up, I mean some days I barely got to see him until bedtime.
But thankfully that didn’t last forever. I’m certainly making up for lost time now.
Having kids always requires sacrifice. That can be a hard pill to swallow at a young age. The other day my dad said something to me:
“No, accountability has not been one of your problems.”
I think that’s important.
I’ve definitely made some poor choices but I have always taken the blame. I mean what other choice is there. It would be a waste of time to point a finger at the whole world for the injustice of missing out on my early twenties. I “missed out” because of my choice.
Accepting the blame makes it so much easier to move on.
I no longer ask myself if I missed out on the “fun”. This experience is something I had to go through and it has largely made me who I am today. For that, I must say I am grateful.