When it Comes to Friends 1+1 Should Equal 3
“1+1 shouldn’t equal 2, it should equal 3.”
In my case, 1 + 1 really only equaled 1 and one day my father had pointed it out to me.
At the time I was in a not so great relationship and was making every excuse in the book as to why I needed to carry the weight of the world on my shoulders.
“I know…I know..” I would say, but no, I didn’t quite get it yet.
Two days ago I was talking to my sis and we were having a discussion about our expectations of people- in friendships, in relationships and just people in general.
In frustration, she said, “I keep thinking everyone is like me.”
I told her, “We are not the norm.”
There was a point in my life where I had to accept that.
I’ve always been ambitious and this trait used to annoy me because it seemed I always ended up in friendships or relationships where the person just wanted to sit back and let me pick up all the slack. Everyone wanted to see what I could do for them.
At 21 I had my own apartment and it was,
“Oh cool, you have your own apartment, well can I live here?” (for free)
Every time I learned a new skill it was,
“Oh, you just learned how to graphic design, can you design me a logo?” (for free)
“You know how to write, can you write me a paper?” (for free)
“You know how to take pictures, can you take my pictures?” (for free)
I didn’t want to be less ambitious, but I couldn’t figure out why I couldn’t find people who were equally ambitious as me.
More recently I’ve figured it out though. I just wasn’t being selective- every friendly face was a friend to me.
Things have changed though. I said I was on a friendship hiatus a couple weeks ago when I said I was taking the year off from friends to focus on me, but for a couple of people, it’s going to have to be a permanent break.
Sometimes we just need to start fresh.
I’ve met some friends through writing on Medium and it’s a totally different vibe now.
I no longer feel I have to stifle my ambitions.
True friendship is about connecting with people who bring out the best in you, not try and take your best for themselves.
A good friend will magnify the light in you, so you don’t have to dim.