When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.
Once upon a time, I dated a cheater who wouldn’t let me go.
After being confronted with concrete evidence, he still denied it. I promptly ended the relationship, but for him, it was not over. He kept calling, texting, e-mailing and showing up at my home unannounced and begging for another chance:
“I’ll give you all my passwords. I wish I hadn’t made that mistake … I only love you. I promise things will be different.”
He sent me pictures of himself “crying” with “real” tears on his cheeks and sent flowers to my home. On my birthday, he even made sure to leave a gift on the front porch. All of these things I initially rolled my eyes over, but after 4 months it wore me down. Deep down I knew I would never be able to trust him, but still I reluctantly agreed to give it another go…. and another… and another.
Why did I continue to let this toxic person back in my life? That’s the question that begs to be answered.
Was it love?
No, because that’s not how love operates.
Was it my own lack of self-esteem?
Maybe a little.
Yes. I was manipulated into feeling like I was hurting a person who was actually hurting me.
There were a number of reasons.
It was one of those relationships where every time I tried to get ahead, the toxicity from this individual would seep in and tear everything I was working towards down.
“You’re wasting too much time blogging. It’s not going to work, why are you doing it anyway?”
That was nearly 9 years ago. I was young and naive and didn’t know what a relationship should look like.
Can toxic people change?
I don’t know. I think it’s really hard. It’s hard for anyone to change. But the one thing I learned is I can’t change people and I’m not the reason for their problem. If they’re toxic, I need to unequivocally cut them off.
Sometimes it’s just the best way to deal.
Delete. Block. Bye.
“Life is too short to waste on you and your shenanigans.”
That’s what I should have said the first time.